My dear readers, it is time that the secret is revealed. I have recently found out that the best kind of waffle is made from the hairs of the monkey plant. What is this monkey plant you may ask? Well, the monkey plant is a cross between the popular mammal known as the kitty and the famous plant known as the waffle iron. The two fuse together at high temperatures and high pressures to form a monkey plant. This plant of monkies is covered in hairs. These hairs are really good at making waffles.
Ten waffles is enough to feed a starving child in Kenya. However, if one tries chess boxing, one will become king of the world. Not only will he be able to beat his minions up if they are unruly, he can also be really smarts. He can even beat minions up while beating other kids at chess. All shall fear his skills.
I think that socialism is a good form of government. On a similar note, I have recently discovered a new website called www.omegle.com. Omegle is a website where one is hooked up with random other people and are expected to start a conversation. I like to start conversations by the question "How do you feel about the price of pancakes nowadays?" Most of the time, the random stranger will disconnect at this.
In conclusion, have a nice life. Brian Brian Tochterman, Tochter Tochter man.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
blarg.
It all started with the death of the penguin leader. With his death, his minions were left to fend for themselves. Without his guidance and autocratic rule, his penguin minions grouped together into tight bands of roving mercenaries. These penguins would stake out territory in the human facilities known as “zoos.” Here, the penguin mercenaries would spend their spare time recuperating after missions and planning future ones.
One of these mercenary penguin bands was sent in to eliminate a competitor of one of their clients. The target was a female Siamese cat named Ella. Ella was muscling in on their client’s market – the manufacturing and supply of canned cat food. Upon receiving the orders, the penguin band immediately began preparations for the strike. It was decided to use their most basic and preferred method of assassination – sniping.
A pair of penguins was dispatched to undertake the mission. One penguin was the shooter, the other was the spotter. The sniper unit took up position in an apartment building adjacent to Ella’s office. Their equipment could be disassembled in seconds and stashed in briefcases. They had an unmarked white van parked in the back of the apartment building to make their escape. Basically, these penguins knew what they were doing.
However, Ella’s cat-like instincts warned her of the upcoming attack. She escaped via a back entrance, and now she works from home. She now works for the Mirthquakes publishing company under the pseudonym of “Dawson Wu.”
Indian Killer is a novel that reveals and explores the double lives of Native Americans; they live in the everyday “white man’s” society and their own native society. Society concurrently discriminates against them, yet expects them to join the mainstream culture. In the book, John is pressured by his well-meaning parents, his friends, and his school as a child to adopt the “white man” ways. While none of these groups of people blatantly demanded John to renounce his Native American heritage, the fact that the Native American culture is different than the mainstream everyday culture was pressure enough. To further explain this, imagine the high school pressure to conform and be accepted by one’s peers. John’s ethnicity set him apart from others, so he was an outsider to begin with. To fit in, John let himself be “assimilated” into mainstream society.
Even though during high school, when John tried to fit in, he was still seen as different. “She’s a gorgeous white woman and you’re an Indian, right? Don’t you watch the movies? Don’t Indians always want to fuck white women?” (Alexie 77). This quote is said by one of John’s white high school friends to John (in reference to his adopted mother). It shows how John is stereotyped against as an Indian even by those who recognize him as having been absorbed by mainstream society.
Native Americans live a difficult life due to the way they are perceived by the rest of society. On viewpoint sees them as nomadic hunter-gatherers living off the land, while the conflicting viewpoint sees them as just another part of the general public. It is hard for Native Americans to occupy both worlds, as Sherman Alexie’s Indian Killer reveals. John feels trapped between the two w
One of these mercenary penguin bands was sent in to eliminate a competitor of one of their clients. The target was a female Siamese cat named Ella. Ella was muscling in on their client’s market – the manufacturing and supply of canned cat food. Upon receiving the orders, the penguin band immediately began preparations for the strike. It was decided to use their most basic and preferred method of assassination – sniping.
A pair of penguins was dispatched to undertake the mission. One penguin was the shooter, the other was the spotter. The sniper unit took up position in an apartment building adjacent to Ella’s office. Their equipment could be disassembled in seconds and stashed in briefcases. They had an unmarked white van parked in the back of the apartment building to make their escape. Basically, these penguins knew what they were doing.
However, Ella’s cat-like instincts warned her of the upcoming attack. She escaped via a back entrance, and now she works from home. She now works for the Mirthquakes publishing company under the pseudonym of “Dawson Wu.”
Indian Killer is a novel that reveals and explores the double lives of Native Americans; they live in the everyday “white man’s” society and their own native society. Society concurrently discriminates against them, yet expects them to join the mainstream culture. In the book, John is pressured by his well-meaning parents, his friends, and his school as a child to adopt the “white man” ways. While none of these groups of people blatantly demanded John to renounce his Native American heritage, the fact that the Native American culture is different than the mainstream everyday culture was pressure enough. To further explain this, imagine the high school pressure to conform and be accepted by one’s peers. John’s ethnicity set him apart from others, so he was an outsider to begin with. To fit in, John let himself be “assimilated” into mainstream society.
Even though during high school, when John tried to fit in, he was still seen as different. “She’s a gorgeous white woman and you’re an Indian, right? Don’t you watch the movies? Don’t Indians always want to fuck white women?” (Alexie 77). This quote is said by one of John’s white high school friends to John (in reference to his adopted mother). It shows how John is stereotyped against as an Indian even by those who recognize him as having been absorbed by mainstream society.
Native Americans live a difficult life due to the way they are perceived by the rest of society. On viewpoint sees them as nomadic hunter-gatherers living off the land, while the conflicting viewpoint sees them as just another part of the general public. It is hard for Native Americans to occupy both worlds, as Sherman Alexie’s Indian Killer reveals. John feels trapped between the two w
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Penguin Wars.
When the penguin leader was assassinated, all hell broke loose. Without his divine guidance and focused light beam projectors (death-lazors), the penguins were no longer restrained from their killer instincts. With all controls removed, the penguins could now carry out their primary objective - the systematic elimination of the human race, with extreme prejudice. They began by mass-producing weapons of war. Equipped with the latest weaponry and supplies, the penguin hordes were able to destroy the majority of the humans' armed forces within a few months.
The remaining humans were forced to flee to the equator where the penguins cannot venture; they would feel uncomfortable in the humidity. It was here that the humans were able to develop weapons capable of actually injuring the penguins. Preexisting ballistic projectiles had little effect on the Class-III body armor that Penguin troopers wore.
(In case the reader was wondering, I was playing with the various options above the box where I type my wonderous stories.)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Dinosaur Minions
There was once a time when dinsoaurs roamed the land, free as the wind and the flowers. One dinosaur named Rousen was annoyed by all these wild and free dinosaurs. He developed a mental device, so he could control their behaviours. He could then touch the old dinosaurs' tails (tails is a metaphor for balding heads). However, he was arrested and placed in metaphorical jail. In metaphorical jail, he dropped the metaphorical soap. He was metaphorically violated by a metaphoricaly physics teacher named Bob. With all these metaphors being used, he felt sleepy. So, he slept. On the bus.
There were bus there were iced honey buns and muffins from Otis Spunkmieyer. These baked goods were enjoyed by all. Rofls were shared by all.
There were bus there were iced honey buns and muffins from Otis Spunkmieyer. These baked goods were enjoyed by all. Rofls were shared by all.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Terror.
It was all the feline's fault. We should blame her for everything. It's the way she meows for food, meows for attention, and sleeps a lot. While she is sleeping in the sun, she absorbs the sun's heat and gets really warm. Then, she runs amok and releases all this stored heat, causing global warming. Global warming will kill us all next week. It shall sneak up on unsuspecting pedestrians and eat their faces. And Ella is all to blame.
The faceless population will also be affected by another disease, which has its roots also in the Ella creature. The hairs covering her face contain a virus which will be spread amongst the human race, causing them to grow large amounts of facial hair - furry face cancer. It is impossible to be both faceless and have furry face cancer (this is because of the nature of the thing; without a face, one cannot grow facial hair), but nonetheless, it shall happen. When everyone has both diseases, then a new disease shall mutate out of the pair. Calling the Disease Center will avail in few results: there is no treatment for this disease, since the disease itself has yet to begin. This deadly new disease is called Penguin Death Syndrome, or PDS for short. PDS will cause its victims to grow penguins out of their orifices. This painful disease will always result in death, and the cadaver will reanimate a short while after. This "zombie-penguin" of sorts will have only one objective - to spread the PDS virus to more humans. Basically, we are all screwed.
The cause of all this suffering lies with Ella. In case the reader is not aware, Ella is my Siamese cat. She meows a ot, sleeps a excessive amount, and carries a host of infectious diseases in her fur coat. I enjoy telling her that she will make a nice tube sock one day. She replies by either ignoring me or meowing in terror. Such a nice kitty.
The faceless population will also be affected by another disease, which has its roots also in the Ella creature. The hairs covering her face contain a virus which will be spread amongst the human race, causing them to grow large amounts of facial hair - furry face cancer. It is impossible to be both faceless and have furry face cancer (this is because of the nature of the thing; without a face, one cannot grow facial hair), but nonetheless, it shall happen. When everyone has both diseases, then a new disease shall mutate out of the pair. Calling the Disease Center will avail in few results: there is no treatment for this disease, since the disease itself has yet to begin. This deadly new disease is called Penguin Death Syndrome, or PDS for short. PDS will cause its victims to grow penguins out of their orifices. This painful disease will always result in death, and the cadaver will reanimate a short while after. This "zombie-penguin" of sorts will have only one objective - to spread the PDS virus to more humans. Basically, we are all screwed.
The cause of all this suffering lies with Ella. In case the reader is not aware, Ella is my Siamese cat. She meows a ot, sleeps a excessive amount, and carries a host of infectious diseases in her fur coat. I enjoy telling her that she will make a nice tube sock one day. She replies by either ignoring me or meowing in terror. Such a nice kitty.
More Lulz.
This first one was written on the back of an AP statistics test. Mently's stat test to be particular. On page 7, following number 2.
~Daren Kline was hungry. His tummy rumbled. He was that hungry. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, stat duck was cleaning his beak. Similar to how a human brushes its teath. Stat duck was carefully washing his beak with a toothbrush. After he was clean, he squeaked. That's cause he was squeaky clean. With all this cleanliness, he was ready to go to a party and hook up with some bio-majors. The bio-majors were really good at bio, similar to how stat duck was really good at stat. With all these bio-majors around, stat duck was getting turned on. He squeaked. That's cause he was turned on by the bio-majors. However, the bio-majors weren't interested, so stat duck gave up and went home. What a waste of time.
This above short story may seem confusing, and pointless, and such, but stat duck is an importat part of stat class. He can do regression lines really fastly, as it was so aptly put.
~Daren Kline was hungry. His tummy rumbled. He was that hungry. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, stat duck was cleaning his beak. Similar to how a human brushes its teath. Stat duck was carefully washing his beak with a toothbrush. After he was clean, he squeaked. That's cause he was squeaky clean. With all this cleanliness, he was ready to go to a party and hook up with some bio-majors. The bio-majors were really good at bio, similar to how stat duck was really good at stat. With all these bio-majors around, stat duck was getting turned on. He squeaked. That's cause he was turned on by the bio-majors. However, the bio-majors weren't interested, so stat duck gave up and went home. What a waste of time.
This above short story may seem confusing, and pointless, and such, but stat duck is an importat part of stat class. He can do regression lines really fastly, as it was so aptly put.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
First post!
OK, so here I am starting a blog. I'm sitting here, supposed to be studying for my AP exams, my pet cat Ella's sitting on my lap, and I'm "blogging." Of sorts. I'm not quite sure what I am supposed to write, so I suppose I'll digress a little. The Civil Rights Act of 1875, passed after the Civil War, guaranteed equal facilities and equal jury selection for all citizens. However, the Supreme Court soon declared most of this act unconstitutional, saying that the 14th amendment said only the government couldn't discriminate. Individual citizens could discriminate all they wanted. Interestingly, it wasn't until the 20th century when an adequate civil rights bill was passed.
Being Chinese myself, I regard the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 with some interest. As implied by its name, this act halted all Chinese immigration to the United States. The reasoning behind this law? American citizens on the west coast blamed declining wages and troubles on the Chinese - a small minority. In the current economic troubles, who should the scapegoat be? I blame the Mexicans. They are taking all the jobs no body really wants, such as mowing lawns, paving roads, and such. Also, this so-called swine flu - the Israelis were right in calling it the Mexican flu. This disease started in Mexico, and should henceforth be identified with the Mexican populace. I suspect that it is not a simple flu though. This swine flu/Mexican flu is actually a coverup for the inception and spread of a biological weapon. One that will kill its victims, and in a few weeks, these victims will rise from their graves and hence, the zombie apocalypse will begin.
Now, I cannot claim credit for this theory. That honor goes to my friend and classmate, an avid undead hunter himself, Buggey. Buggey enlightened me with his theory, and warned me of the comming doom. How do I plan to prepare for this? I am going to study for my AP exams and pretend nothing is wrong. A brilliant plan, if I may say so myself.
Being Chinese myself, I regard the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 with some interest. As implied by its name, this act halted all Chinese immigration to the United States. The reasoning behind this law? American citizens on the west coast blamed declining wages and troubles on the Chinese - a small minority. In the current economic troubles, who should the scapegoat be? I blame the Mexicans. They are taking all the jobs no body really wants, such as mowing lawns, paving roads, and such. Also, this so-called swine flu - the Israelis were right in calling it the Mexican flu. This disease started in Mexico, and should henceforth be identified with the Mexican populace. I suspect that it is not a simple flu though. This swine flu/Mexican flu is actually a coverup for the inception and spread of a biological weapon. One that will kill its victims, and in a few weeks, these victims will rise from their graves and hence, the zombie apocalypse will begin.
Now, I cannot claim credit for this theory. That honor goes to my friend and classmate, an avid undead hunter himself, Buggey. Buggey enlightened me with his theory, and warned me of the comming doom. How do I plan to prepare for this? I am going to study for my AP exams and pretend nothing is wrong. A brilliant plan, if I may say so myself.
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